- Remember that your most important goal as a parent right now is to help your child feel safe and loved. To that end, it's critical that you set aside times throughout the day to provide children with undivided attention. Even teens need some time each day with a parent who is focused on them and not distracted by incoming email and social media posts. Eating one or two meals together as a family, without devices present, can be an important time to connect as a family - and for you to take a short break from your work. Younger children will need several periods of undivided attention throughout the day, and opportunities for silliness and physical closeness. If you can carve out time for quality family interactions, children are more likely to be able to spend periods of time playing or doing other activities independently (depending on their age).
- Children need to move everyday. Taking just 10 or 15 minutes for a dance break or to run around outside with your child could give them what they need to be able to play or read quietly for another 45 minutes. (And it's good for your physical and mental health, too.)
- Parents are not expected to be school teachers. Schools may be relying on parents to assist children in learning activities, but it is not realistic for working parents to be able to do their paid job for 7 or 8 hours a day and also become a homeschool teacher for 6 hours a day. It's just not possible. Before you beat yourself up about the instruction you're NOT providing your child right now, it might be helpful to remember a few things:
- As long as children aren't spending all day watching TV or playing video games, they are likely learning. For example, during this time, many children are learning how to do things on their own that adults usually do for them. It's okay to gently suggest to your children that they try to figure something out on their own before they ask for help.
- Older siblings will learn valuable skills when they help their younger siblings with schoolwork.
- Many older children can engage in some valuable self-directed learning during this period. Is your child really interested in anteaters? Now's the time for them to do their own research, reading, and art projects on anteaters.
- Very young children learn so much through everyday routines. Rather than pushing chores off until after the kids go to bed, you might try involving young children in these chores and using them as learning opportunities. Children can help sort and match socks while you fold laundry, practice counting while setting the table, or learn about measurement and quantity while helping make dinner.
- Everyone else is in the same boat. If your child doesn't complete every suggested activity the school sends home, it's unlikely that he will be drastically behind his peers when school starts up again.
- Notice which things your child can do independently, and try to coordinate with the times when you most need to concentrate. You may find that your first grader can do her reading assignment on her own, but that she frequently asks for help on math. See if she can do math when you're doing mindless work tasks that won't suffer from interruptions - and plan her reading time for when you've got more mentally taxing work to do.
- You will likely need to be flexible with your own work habits. If you're accustomed to coming to the office each day and working for a set block of time, you will find that this just doesn't work when you have kids at home. Trying to stick to an 8-to-4 schedule and expecting your kids to be self-directed during that time is bound to cause stress for the entire family - and may actually be harmful for very young children who need ongoing supervision and attention. You may need to "chunk" your work, so that you get up early to put in a couple of hours before your kids wake up, then take a break to get everyone breakfast and settled into a period of activity. If you have very young children, you may be able to do some busy work while your kids are in the room with you - but work that requires more thought may have to wait until nap time or after they've gone to bed.
- Remember that your typical office work day includes plenty of interruptions. Colleagues stop by to chat about weekend plans; the phone rings; you check something on your phone. These "interruptions" serve an important function of giving your brain much-needed breaks throughout the day. Keeping this in mind may help you to reframe interruptions from a child as opportunities to take brain-breaks (while giving your child an important dose of undivided attention). You may also find it helpful to think about how many hours of REAL work you actually get done during your regular work day. Few people are productive for a solid 8 hours, so don't expect yourself to be fully productive for a solid 8 hours when working from home.
- Try involving children in activities that you used to do alone. This may free up some of your limited child-free minutes for work activities. For example, if you used to get up and exercise on your own first thing in the morning, maybe for now you can convert your normal exercise routine into active play you can do with your kids. Alternatively, you might try to do your regular exercise while the kids are awake (and maybe even playing nearby) and be mentally prepared for interruptions - after all, it's probably less disruptive to have children ask questions while you're running on the treadmill or doing a workout video than while you're trying to compose an important email. If you usually prepare meals while your kids were busy with other things, now is an opportunity to involve them (even if that means it takes a little longer to get dinner on the table). Older children can help with most food prep, and middle schoolers can learn to use the stove. Younger children can help measure and stir, set the table, and put away silverware from the dishwasher.
- Screen time can be a saving grace for when quiet is essential. Many of us are very careful with how much screen time our children get, for good reason. Remembering that these are extraordinary times may help you to let go of some guilt if your children are spending more time than usual looking at screens. For older children, it can be helpful to let them know in advance when during the day they will have screen time, so they know what to expect and won't ask all day long. Lots of screen time is not recommended for young children (especially for children under age 2), so save screens for times when it's essential for the house to be quiet, such as when you have an important conference call, or are trying to finish something for a deadline.
- We are all in this together. Every parent out there knows how challenging this is. Colleagues will understand if there is background noise during your conference call or if your child's face suddenly appears in your videoconference. No one expects everything to be perfect right now.
- You need to take care of yourself (the ol' "Put on your own oxygen mask first" advice). See tips below for managing your own stress and anxiety.